And Another Thing...

More Photo Phriday Shtuff

Understanding Aperture from Tim Bailey on Vimeo.

Photo Phriday - Six

I had the opportunity to do some photography for a local a cappella group called "SIX". They are (you guessed it) six very talented singers who have been invited to perform at Newfoundland's prestigious Festival500 this summer. I took some group shots as well as some individual shots. Our timing was off for weather and lighting, but we got some good ones in spite.

They are performing in London at the Wolf Performance Hall downtown on June 15. You should go. I am.

Here is one of the individual shots of Julia. This was taken with a Nikon D80 with a 50mm lens at f2.5. Click here to see the rest of the pics.

 

To Moderate or not to Moderate. That is the Question...

This blog is my place to clear out thoughts and concepts in my head and heart. It is also a place where I hope people can find ideas and inspiration. I would like people to laugh and learn, as well as cry and contemplate - and I would like it to be somewhat of a community.

Sarcastic and satirical humour will be used and welcome here. Those who have no concept of its' benefit will always be confused and make comments that don't make sense.

From now on, comment moderation will require at least ONE of the following:
1) I know you personally
2) Your comment is either truly constructive OR sufficiently sarcastic to be of value (and even then I'll need to know a little about you)
3) You have a blog of your own where your context can be ascertained, and people can comment.

I apologize in advance to those who like to pseudo-anonymously give their two cents.

I will post Photo Phriday today sometime.

Crisis vs. Growth

So as I take some time to re-evaluate my motivations and question my lack of them, I have begun to look back over the positions and contracts I have worked on in the last 15 years. I have noticed that the common theme has been crisis. I have been brought in to situations of chaos - and not because I am good at anything, but because no one else would take the position, and no one else would hire me.

Each position I have held required someone stupid enough to be the fall-guy - someone who could obliviously lead through being disliked and criticized, slandered and laughed at, and dismissed as a hot-head. Each position has required massive change. Each position has required a "prophet-like" belief in a new day.

As a constructive feedback junkie, (please understand "constructive" and my reasons for finally moderating comments on this blog) these positions were perfect for me. Feedback was always extreme - whether good or bad, positive or negative - and both kinds motivate me. The positive "I'm with you" kind of feedback gives me strength to push through, knowing I'm not alone. The negative "I'm gonna take you out" kind of feedback gives me reason to push harder, knowing that change must come.

In my current position, the days of major crisis and extreme feedback are over. It's time for "growth" (whatever that means). And I am finding myself a little lost. I have never had to operate in this environment. It's weird. The extreme positive feedback has subsided because it is unneeded now, since the extreme negative feedback has faded away. This is what I call the "fourth-year calm" in the change process...

I am now beginning my quest to be effective in the "new day"...

Sweaty-Toothed Man

One of my favourite clips from my all-time favourite movie, Dead Poet's Society:

Show or Tell

If you asked me to teach you how to golf, I wouldn't.

It's not that I don't like you or anything. It's just that I can't. I can give you a few pointers and let you know the basics of a good swing, but to teach you how to do it is way beyond me.

And it's not only because I am not a good teacher (or a good golfer)- it's because golf is a personal sport. Everyone has a different swing. You have to work it out on your own. It's no secret that the best way to get better at golf is to watch people who can play well.

I know there are golf pros who can teach you. I know there are instructors who will critique your every move. But I'm not one of them.

When it comes to teaching golf, the only thing I've got to give you is to just watch me try to play. I will teach you by learning in front of you. As you watch me screw up, or hit a great shot, you should be able to translate those mistakes and victories into lessons.

I think the best way to learn anything is to engage with a real learner.

That's what I try to do at Hillside. I haven't learned a lot, so I can't tell you much - but I am learning a great deal, and I can show you how. And my hope is that as I struggle and work out what I am learning in front of people, they can start to work it out in their own lives.

That's why I refer to myself as the Lead Learner.

Motivation

I have been thinking a lot about motivation and it's effect on life and work, and have been wanting to blog about it for some time. But it's hard to blog about motivation you know, because frankly, I'm not motivated to write about it. It's kind of like caring that you are apathetic, or being proud that you are humble. It doesn't really work.

I have noticed that the times of "lowness" in my life are inextricably connected to motivation. I am driven by accomplishment, and sapped by ineffectiveness. And it seems to me that one of two things happen to my motivation once in a while;

1) I lose it
2) I misplace it

Losing motivation can be devastating. The fog lowers and nothing seems exciting. Getting up in the morning is cause for nasty language, and the only friend you want to associate with before 10am is Juan Valdez. Laughing seems trivial, and smiling just takes too much effort. Projects are nightmares instead of dreams, and past accomplishments are explained away as foolish naivety. Losing your motivation is one of those baby steps towards depression. It's a scary place.

Ah, but misplacing motivation is the stuff of disaster. If you've ever watched the movie City Slickers, you may remember when the main character's wife tells him it's time to find his smile. She says, "I know how guys are; if I'm not happy here, I'll be happy here"... You have to see it to get the real meaning.
The point is that we all have built-in motivations that can destroy us - selfish motivations that rise to the surface when healthy motivations subside.

I have always used these "low" times to re-evaluate what motivated me in the first place. Why do I do what I do? Why would I do something else? Why am I so fulfilled/unfulfilled? What do I think should motivate me to expend my energies at all?

But that takes motivation...

Photo Phriday 0424

Taken while hanging off the side of a streetcar in San Francisco, about a year ago.

Ask Your Daughter, Ask Your Dad...

Ask Your Daughter Ask Your Dad 0423 from Tim Bailey on Vimeo.

Three-Thirty Thoughts.

So every morning around 3am, I wake up for some unknown reason. After all the "you're 40" jokes and references to my aging bladder, I am still left empty (no pun intended) as to why I am wide awake at an hour when only owls, shift-workers and over-stressed pastors of struggling vintage churches are stirring...

Those of you Twitterers who follow me might have noticed some tweets on my twitter left over from this morning. If not, here they are:

3:13am: no such luck. Here I lie. Awake.
3:28am: Shadows+understanding=depth perception. When I was a toddler, I thought I could touch the moon.
3:29: My bedroom ceiling at 3:28am.  http://twitpic.com/3rc7d
3:33: Everyone loves the sound of a distant train.
3:35: If you are asleep right now, you are really missing out. Think of all these minutes you are never gonna get back...

As I stared up at my ceiling, I began to wonder about life's experience for someone born blind. No concept of space and distance or light and shadow.
No understanding of depth perception or peripheral vision.
No squinting at the bright light of day or adjusting to the rich blackness of night.
Never having to discern the closeness of the moon...

I imagined the shock of gaining sight after years of blindness.
Colours.
Shapes.
Movement.
Distance.
Reaction.
Expression.
Beauty.
Blandness.
Plains.
Mountains.
Burning ball of fire in the bright sky.
Ball of cheese in the dark expanse.
More colours.
More shapes.

Shadows.
Hiding.

It took me hours to get back to sleep. As I started to relive the day in my mind, I began to wonder what kind of dream pictures someone born blind can "see"...